On May 19th, when the draw results are released thousands of Stanford students will be sorted into Stanford’s many housing options.

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For many lucky students, the draw is a time of optimism for the year ahead.

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For freshman Mitchell Dougan, however, the draw will be the gateway into a world of pain.

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With draw number 1932, Dougan will be split from his close freshman friends, who will be scattered across campus.

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Although being split from one’s group is one of the worst things that can happen in the draw, Dougan’s nightmare will have only just begun.

“I read ’Naranja’ and I thought it was just another pronunciation of ‘Narnia,’ and now I am well and truly fucked,” Dougan will say upon realizing the extent of his folly.

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He will be placed in a one room double in Naranja with a smelly, sexually active DJ.

While living in Naranja next year with DJ Ooze, a dog will bite Dougan’s arm, and the ensuing infection will cause him to lose the arm from the shoulder. Friendless and one-armed in Naranja, Dougan will spill water all over his computer. On the walk to the Apple store, Dougan will fall in a patch of poison-ivy.

“This has been the worst year ever!” Dougan will finally proclaim, rashy and one-armed and friendless, before drawing tier 3 into FroSoCo.

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