As business magnate Donald Trump’s ascent to the Republican nomination comes to seem increasingly inevitable, GOP lawmakers are scrambling for alternative strategies to slow his momentum. Given that his closest challengers are Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, Republican leaders have had to look outside the political sphere in order to develop their opposition.
Backed by a Super PAC led by financier Sheldon Adelson, a group known informally as ‘Ocean’s Eleven’ has been formed in order to launch a heist on the Trump Taj Mahal, a casino in picturesque Las Vegas. Given Trump’s emphasis on his campaign being self-funded, the GOP hopes that the robbery- accomplished through a convoluted web of seduction, earthquake generators and assorted disguises- will completely undercut his campaign.
Reports indicate that the group’s leader, the professional and good-looking Danny Ocean, has spent the better part of two months finding members of his team. This troupe is said to include a good-looking man who is always eating, a good-looking and vaguely Chinese acrobat, an old Jewish guy, the dude from the Bourne movies, and two good-looking brothers. Their scheme is said to hinge upon Trump’s week-long absence as he campaigns before Super Tuesday, with the group planning to empty the vault of his casino through a series of close calls and dangerous contrivances. While the group claims to be unbiased, additional reporting uncovered the fact that Ocean may have once dated Trump’s wife Melania.