While Winter Quarter normally presents many opportunities for freshmen hoping to pad their resumes with internships and volunteer work, many students fall through the cracks and struggle to find the position that will allow them to not to ever have to pretend to care about volunteer work again. For example, prospective CS-CS Double Major Zach Burns is at a loss that Google has yet to contact him. “I even shared a copy of my Breakout code with them on Google Drive. It has these sick sound effects.”

When asked about potential openings at other companies, Burns stated that he had considered it. “I didn’t struggle all of week 8 for nothing, you know? I could probably get an entry-level job at Yahoo or Microsoft, but I really want to do something that matters, that’s worthy of my skillset. Do I really want to pour two years of teaching myself HTML in High School down the drain?”

Disappointed, but undeterred, Burns stated that he would probably skip the intern stage and go straight to work on Artificial Intelligence. “It only took a week to teach Karel to retrieve a newspaper. I should have Siri writing my PWR papers by the end of the quarter.”

At press time, Burns was seen at the LaIR trying to figure out how recursion works.

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