Todd Williams’ normal suburban life took an interesting turn last week when his twin girls, Rebecca and Elise, showed him Drake’s new video for his smash hit ‘Hotline Bling’. “I always admired Drake’s music, and I used to feel as if he was a sort of kindred spirit to us Torotonians.” said Williams, “but seeing him make use of some of my sweet, lady-slaying grooves. I felt betrayed”
For a visibly saddened Williams, the video includes culturally specific dance moves that can only have been taken from a culture to which Drake emphatically does not belong: dads. “He used ‘the tennis racket’, ‘the goofy noodle,’ and even ‘the lawnmower’”, Williams complained.
Williams asserts that Drake had no right to use the controversial dance moves without appreciating or understanding the history and culture in which they were born—a vibrant culture of semi-successful dads who actively use “The Facebook” and just love that new Skrillex jam featuring Justin Beaver. Such appropriation has long been an issue for fathers across the world, who have long suffered from artists ripping off their tradition of flailing limbs and arrythmic head bobbing.
While Drake has not apologized for the debacle, his wearing of sweaters and his deep existential despair seem to indicate he has no plans to abandon his appropriation of dads. In the meantime, Todd Williams begins a legal crusade, hoping to defend his culture of turtlenecks and “killer” water-cooler jokes.