“Locating fairly conclusive signs of liquid water on Mars indicated it was time to move onto the real challenges,” confirmed administrator Charles Bolden last Sunday. “Sure, there could be life elsewhere in the universe, but California? That would fucking blow our minds.”

Successfully avoiding the culmination of decades searching for extraterrestrial life, NASA scientists are working to detect potential water sources in fountains. “I never envisioned such an inhospitable environment,” said the engineer responsible for ensuring the Curiosity Rover ran on radiation produced by a small chunk of Plutonium in Mars’ near-vacuum atmosphere. “Frankly, I’m intimidated by how much of a dry, barren, wasteland California is”.

This decision reflects NASA’s shift away from distractions, such as preventing entropic dissolution into chaos and the pursuit of infinite energy sources. Instead, NASA turns towards more subtle issues, namely finding the mismanagement of water in a state whose opposition to new reservoirs and dams causes 70% of its rainwater to wash out to sea.

At press time, a NASA spokesman confirmed that thanks to successful lobbying, NASA was able to allocate 17 dollars to the mission. (Capoor)

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