STANFORD, CA–In light of the recent success of the football team, Stanford has started selling tickets to the post-game riots online. The demand for these riot tickets has been so high, however, that the athletic department has been selling out of the riot tickets only a half hour after opening.

“We can’t just let students come onto the field whenever they want,” said Stanford Athletic Directory Bob Bowlsby. “This is Stanford here, and we have a reputation to protect. We need our post game riots to be orderly, and you just cant get into the riot without a riot ticket.”

Students have unsurprisingly resisted the new policy, but the resistance has mostly been futile.

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