Breaking: Flipside Writer Gives Up Satire for Lent

February 23, 2015 12:01 pm
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Breaking: Flipside Writer Gives Up Satire for Lent

This past Wednesday, Magellan J. Pfluke, reported staff writer and editor for The Stanford Flipside, declared that he would honor the Catholic observance of Lent by giving up satirical journalism, expressing respect for the self-restraint that it takes for one to give up a troublesome habit.

The decision comes at a crucial time in University politics, with the ASSU Senate’s recent decision fanning the ever-increasing flames of division within the student body. Of the issue, Pfluke stated “Man, it sure would be great if I could say something hilarious about all this. Like…oh, I got one! Okay, so picture this – no, I shouldn’t, I made a pledge.” For the next ten minutes, Pfluke continued to pop up in his chair, and then slumped back down in abject powerlessness.

“Maybe this was a bad time to make this decision,” Pfluke conceded. “It’s times like these where we all need to be shown the absurdities of our respective positions. As tensions force us to conflate issues that have little relevance to one another and emotions play shadow-puppets with the ghosts of facts, it’s no wonder that the student body is falling to petty in-fighting and backroom re-votes. It doesn’t help that our solution is to decry the one organization through which we can really express our frustrations in a constructive fashion. If I could just write one really pointed satirical piece, that would be dope.”

When pressed on the issue, Pfluke admitted that he probably wouldn’t be able to keep himself from satire all of Lent, noting the wealth of fresh RD&E and Arrillaga jokes yet to be made. “Besides,” he added gravely, “some people may even read this article as satire.”