(Oak Brook, IL) – Following the massively successful 2003 “I’m lovin’ it” branding campaign, McDonalds CEO Donald Thompson stated in a press conference earlier this week that the international fast food conglomerate was prepared to unveil a new slogan, “Please, don’t masturbate in our restrooms.”

Don’t think we don’t know what you’re doing in there,” Thompson announced to a small crowd of reporters in McDonalds Oak Brook corporate headquarters, but also to the international community in general; “you think that you’re being subtle, going into the bathroom for five minutes with a few packets of mayonnaise; you’re not.”

Although recently announced, the new slogan has already gained traction with MacDonald’s employees. “No, I think it’s great,” reports Chad Anderson, a MacDonalds food-service team member, “The Starbucks bathrooms are right next door and they’re so much cleaner.”

I mean, you guys know that when we said ‘I’m lovin it,’ we didn’t mean that literally, right?” Thompson continued, a pained expression on his face, “Well, there certainly shouldn’t be any more ambiguity now.”

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