After hearing roommate Leroy White mutter a series of racial slurs while reading an article detailing President Barak Obama’s recent speech at the United Nations, Arroyo resident and self-proclaimed hate-mongerer Dirk Hitchens reported that he was incredibly relieved that the man who sleeps across the room from him was just as racist and close-minded as himself.

“Growing up, I always associated myself with people who were just like me and hated all those of different ethnicities or had other characteristics that differentiated themselves from me. To put it simply, I grew up and have fueled my entire life on unprovoked hatred. I think it was this unique perspective that actually got me accepted to Stanford,” proudly proclaimed Hitchens. “As a result, I was understandably nervous that my roommate would not share the same beliefs as myself, and I did not want to offend him by bringing up my view. Luckily after hearing Leroy refer to Obama as a [redacted], I knew we were going to get along great.”

When asked for comment, White proceeded to yell a variety of racial slurs at this African American reporter.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…