Residential staff members discovered Rinconada freshman Shawn Anderson curled up on his futon with a tub of protein powder after apparently taking one day off from his rigorous workout schedule. “I always told myself: no days off, man,” Shawn said. “But that CME pset really did me in. I had to skip back day.” Historically, back day has followed chest day and preceded leg day for Anderson.

“This really sets me back. Like, I’m definitely cut, but I’m for sure not jacked. I’m buff, but not yet juiced, you feel?” he noted, dismissing criticism that he may be yoked to his gym routine. “I’m a swolar ice cap, man,” insisted Anderson, stressing the importance of not allowing himself to melt.

Anderson expressed determination to get back on “the grind” to work on “them bis and tris.”

The Rinc PHE later reported spotting him in Wilbur dining, drinking bottle after bottle of Muscle Milk.  At press time, the student had gone underground at the Arrillaga Center for Sports and Recreation basement, fearful of retribution from an entity he would identify only as the “swoll patrol.”

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