Sexually-Stifled Libertarians Respond to Government Shutdown with Hardcore Pornography

October 10, 2013 9:01 am
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Sexually-Stifled Libertarians Respond to Government Shutdown with Hardcore Pornography

“Government SLUTdown 69: The XXX Porn Parody” Shocks, Empassions, Has This Writer Hot AND Bothered”

OMAHA — The Libertarian Party, comprised mostly of sweaty middle-aged men with bald spots and bushy eyebrows, found themselves with a whole lot of time on their hands as a result of the federal government shutdown last Tuesday. To occupy themselves, they turned their significant political know-how to the task of producing a steamy pornographic video featuring a number of “actors” and “actresses” portraying various political figures.

The film, which will be sold as part of the Libertarian Party’s 69th annual fundraising effort, includes such scenes as BaRock-Hard Obama (played by Donald Cummings) and John Boner (played by Walter Dixx) working to avoid budgetary issues but instead getting dragged into the “Fiscal Clit” in a show-stealing performance by Jessica Juggs as Nancy PeLoosely.

And when Dick Cheney (played by John Smith) arrives to clean the White House pool, all bets are off. He and Laura Bush (played by Sarah Matthews) go at it for hours in a tantalizing water aerobics scene that vaguely resembles throwing a limp hot dog into a slide at an abandoned water park.

MY REVIEW: Five stars! I loved it, even though it took me about ten tries (and pairs of pants) to get past the first scene. Definitely one to watch with a platonic friend.

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