University officials announced yesterday that the Class of 2018 collectively withdrew from the university following the final day of NSO. The class has been seen biking up and down Sand Hill Road all week, attending meetings with VCs in lieu of engineering and CS information sessions. Just minutes after filing for withdrawal, the class held a press conference to announce its new venture, “FoFroFroYo” (Former Frosh Frozen Yogurt), which will debut in FloMo Dining Hall next week.

The spirit of entrepreneurship and the sweet, sweet allure of Silicon Valley have often been known to rip students from the clutches of education, but this is the first instance of an entire class simultaneously withdrawing from the university. Freshman dorms stand square, ugly, and empty, the campus lacking the cheer of un-jaded bright eyes and terrible newbie bikers. Former class of 2018 member Roger Tennenbaum had this to say regarding the mass exodus: “It was a great week here; this place is pretty and stuff, but I just felt like it was time to try something new. To put the talents I’ve developed during my time here into a real-world context. Plus I fucking love frozen yogurt.”

As of press time, John Arrillaga was seen consulting with President Hennessey about demolishing the old freshman dorms and replacing them with start-up housing options, so as to prevent any similar financial disaster occurring in the future.

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