Even though his two sons kept throwing around phrases like “biggest game of their professional careers” and “culture-spanning, sporting and entertainment megaevent,” Mr. Harbaugh was reportedly buried at the office and simply couldn’t move things around to watch his two sons, Jim and John, coach in their big football game last Sunday.”
“I would have loved to see my boys coach, but I was booked solid with appointments that day and I wasn’t able to push these things back because of some looming deadlines,” Mr. Harbaugh explained, “I’ve got management busting my balls already and this paperwork isn’t going to finish itself.”
According to sources close to the family, Mrs. Harbaugh tried to cheer her sons up by promising to take them for ice cream after the game and reminding them how much their father cares about them.
“Your dad is trying his hardest to make ends meet for this family,” said Mrs. H while baking John’s favorite cookies. “He loves you very much and I’m sure he will be there next time you two are both coaching in the Super Bowl.”
In a recent development, Mrs. Harbaugh even agreed to let her sons invite NFL coaching buddy Rex Ryan to the house for a sleepover after the game, though she said, “I plan to keep an eye on him…there’s just something about that Rex boy. I think he’s a little off.”
When reached for comment before the game, John simply muttered something about needing to stop the read-option offense while Jim started gesticulating furiously and covered Flipside reporters in a torrent of mucus and spit.