Mitt Romney came to the podium in Ohio last night to outline his final plan to improve the government.

“This plan is all about small government,” said Romney to an audience of hired Latinos, “I literally would like to make the government smaller. The west wing of the White House? Gone. The senate chamber? I’ll be downsizing that to 84 seats. The senators can take turns standing, or perhaps develop a bartering system to regulate seating privileges.”

Romney’s official 478 page plan includes packaging bonds and selling them off to the highest bidder, selling congressmen to large companies for menial labor, and installing a new program called “War Futures” where any average Joe can invest in future wars.

“I think it’s the greatest plan we have yet, “ says head campaign manager Ben Gillert, “We even plan to sell off the EPA – what the hell is that anyway?” The plan also includes a proposition to cut five “negligible” states from the United States that have been determined by the  Romney-Ryan campaign to be unnecessary. According to the plan, California, New Jersey, New York, Washington, and Maine will no longer be included in the states.

“We need to make this country smaller, slimmer, and sexier,” said Romney in response to questioning, “We’re just trimming the fat and the states that don’t contribute anything meaningful to our society.”

The tax portion of Romney’s plan has also suffered a cut – from no numbers to absolutely no numbers.

You May Also Like

Single Conservative Student Quietly Looks Down and Chooses Not to Make an Issue of it

Until last Thursday, Cedro resident Clarence Goodman had experienced a smooth transition…

China Censors Mass Media; Public Outraged Okay With It

In a recent move that has drawn widespread criticism cheer, China has…