If you haven’t heard of The No Gay Sex Pistols, the hot punk sensation newly-signed to Bain Capital Records, you’re missing out on the album of the holiday season. Assembled in Washington D.C. by former senator Scott Brown, Tea-Party-backed Richard Mourdock, and former Missouri Senator Todd Akin, the musical super group has already amassed a widespread fanbase after the release of their breakout EP The Ousted Republicans.
The first track, “Blitzkrieg GOP,” sets the tone for the entire outing. It creates a kind of vigorous, aural pounding that gets you ear-pregnant, which, as Mourdock said of the song, is “something that God intended to happen.” Their energy is sustained into the second song, “Fuck Your Uterus (The Legitimate Rape Song).” In this track, Brown cedes vocal duties to the harsher, more incoherent Todd Akin. This song is followed by “All the Small Things (That Barry Hussein Has Done to Ruin and Cripple this Great, Christian Nation)” and “I (Don’t) Wanna Be Debated” which both feature the manicured, though often inconsistent, drumming of Mitt Romney.
The masterful EP closes with the one ballad of the bunch, “Let It Be (The Free Market, That Is)”. This song is guest-written by former VP candidate Paul Ryan and is a poignant, perfect capstone to what will long be lauded as the greatest musical and moral statement of our generation.