Op-Ed: We Need Kardinal Normal Sex

December 3, 2018 7:00 pm
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Op-Ed: We Need Kardinal Normal Sex

It’s hard to be a vanilla, cisgender, heterosexual woman or man at Stanford University in 2018, when it feels more and more like the queers and kinksters are taking over—not only discourse on gender and identity or aspects of media and culture, but even sweet, simple act of intercourse itself. 

Coitus, congress, copulation, carnal knowledge—whatever you want to call it, there’s no denying that it’s important to how we live our lives and, well, life. So this is my plea: when there are organizations like Kardinal Kink, there needs to be a Kardinal Normal Sex to make sure there’s a space for everybody at Stanford to feel safe and comfortable to fuck within their respective communities. What about those of us who prefer the good ol’ birds and bees over handcuffs and trees?  We need Kardinal Normal Sex!

Have you ever thought that it was unfair that everybody who wants the whips and leather apparently gets their own place on campus for it? Just to be clear, I’m not talking about the equestrian team. Have you ever thought, “gosh, we really need something to sustain good Christian family values in these times of crisis where hedonism, debauchery, and so-called ‘sex-positivity’ are running rampant?”  Or how about, “back in my day, we didn’t get community or support on any of this stuff! We just called it ‘making whoopee’ and left it at that. We had to figure out what goes where all on our own, and you can be damn sure that we liked it!” If that’s the case, then join the cause—Kardinal Normal Sex is for you. 

We’re not asking for much: just a meeting space once a week, for an hour, in the room on the second floor of Non-Queer Spot, with a priest in the room to marry you so you don’t have pre-marital sex, so that people can have a place to have nothing more or less than Normal Sex. That means no foreplay, no dressing up—just one woman and one man, naked, in the missionary position, for sixty minutes exactly. As God intended. 

With a Kardinal Normal Sex up and running, the campus’ blander demographics would be able to once again feel safe and comfortable. It might just be one tiny step in a long road to getting vanilla preferences, cisgendered peoples, and heterosexuality accepted in the larger world, but it’s an important one nonetheless. 

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