Totalitarian Socialist Theme Dorm to Open on West Campus

October 29, 2012 12:01 pm
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Totalitarian Socialist Theme Dorm to Open on West Campus

University officials excitedly announced plans to convert Yost into a Totalitarian Socialist theme dorm for the 2013-2014 school year, citing “the opportunity to give students a great chance to broaden their world view by exploring and reading the narrow range of House-approved propaganda pamphlets.”

“We’ve got some great little devices involving rats in the basement for anyone who goes against The House,” said Comrade Sasha McHail, soon-to-be RF.  “Decisions will be made using a five-finger system–that is, you lose between 1 and 5 fingers for dissent, depending on the severity of your crime and the generosity of Our Great Leader.”

In addition to living in cramped concrete cells and submitting to weekly lie-detector tests, residents will have the opportunity to use communal showers, and to watch one of seven different films that conform exactly to the House’s ideology. Of course, open and honest conversation is welcome, so long as it does not stray in any meaningful way from the consensus of The House. As of press time, however, the project had received harsh criticism for being “basically just another E-2.0 Dorm.”

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