The Line at the Post Office finally triumphed over the Line at the Bookstore this week,earning the dignified title of “Most Productive Spot on Campus.” Students have been spotted in line playing full games of chess, completing problem sets and reading Tolstoy novels.

Sophomore Annie Carls commented, “I usually set aside a couple of hours each day to stand in line at the Post Office—not because I have to, but because I want to. When things get really hectic, I love having a place to go where time actually seems to slow down.”

With midterms approaching, the Post Office has become a popular study space for students. Junior Matthew Birch explained, “I used to go to the library to study, but I’ve found that the ambiance of the Post Office is so much more enticing. It’s quiet, well-lit, and you just get the sense that everyone who’s there really wants to be there.”

Post Office Manager Bill Decker says that while he is thrilled that students are so satisfied with his branch, he still doesn’t quite understand their excessive attraction to it.

“Personally, I think we could be more efficient,” he said. “We’ve tried to propose new measures to speed up the process of picking up packages, but the students always protest against it. I guess they just love the line too damn much.”

You May Also Like

IHUM Replacement “Thinking Matters” In Search of Catchy Abbreviation

With SUES and the Faculty Senate on board with the replacement for…

Op-Ed: My Wii Fit Trainer Keeps Telling Me How the Poor Are Just Lazy and Entitled In-Between Poses, and It’s a Little Disturbing

“Let’s try the Half-Moon Pose,” she says, her silky-smooth voice sliding down…

Report: Frosh Optimistically Cancels Birthday Party Because More Than 150 People Were Gonna Come For Sure

Following numerous updates from Stanford administrators regarding COVID-19 in the past week,…

Captain Marvel Under Fire After Mistaking Pakistani Village for “An Alien Spaceship”

Facing increased scrutiny amid the release of her new movie, superhero and…