The only person on campus to read informational stickers was horrified to discover that Stanford’s paper towels are made from the corpses of unsuccessful students. “Stanford is really surpassing other universities in terms of sustainability,” said Green Living Council president Reina Flores. “Not only are we composting our food waste and plastic silverware, […]

The Line at the Post Office finally triumphed over the Line at the Bookstore this week,earning the dignified title of “Most Productive Spot on Campus.” Students have been spotted in line playing full games of chess, completing problem sets and reading Tolstoy novels. Sophomore Annie Carls commented, “I usually set aside a […]