According to scriptural and journalistic sources, God forgot the December 25th birthday of his first and only son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth, for the third time in the last 2,000 years.
“I got really tied up with a bunch of Christmas stuff this year,” God relayed to Flipside reporters through a chorus of angels, “I had a ton of presents to shop for, I was behind on answering work e-mails and prayers, and I had a bunch of relatives staying at my house and raising holy hell.”
Despite the glaring oversight, Jesus was adamant in forgiving his father. “I love him unconditionally and I completely absolve him of his sin.”
God did claim a more legitimate excuse this year than in the past, including when he missed his son’s birthday in 800 AD for the coronation of Charlemagne and in 2003 for the Die Hard movie marathon on TNT. He did, however, admit that this was his most shortsighted mistake since he forgot to TiVo Tim Tebow’s first game in the NFL.
The almighty deity is trying to put a positive spin on the whole ordeal, noting that the cards in the “Belated Birthday” section of Hallmark are much more funny than those in the “Son – Messiah and Savior of Mankind” section. God also plans to set things right by sending a Chipotle gift card in the mail.
“Those burritos are divine,” Jesus acknowledged, “When I step into that store, its like I’ve died and gone to heaven.”
