People were lining up down the block to read the new SUAlert text. However, the text did not live up to expectations.

“It sounded so serious this time,” said text critic Sally Mack. “Last years’ were so funny. I’ve been waiting for so long, but ‘8pm robbery w/handgun occurred @ Quillen Courtyard’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it as ‘Hot Prowl at Grove Mayfield’ or ‘having a scent of apples.’ It’s just not up to par.”

Some say there is less material to work with this year, but many claim the new writer is just not as funny as last year’s. Students are calling for the writer to step down and to be replaced with the LSJUMB announcer.

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