For senior Jordan Daniels, autumn quarter of his senior year has been a largely nostalgic experience. Amidst the warm breezes of the California fall, Daniels has had lots of time to reflect on all the things that have made his Stanford experience so special, and of course, on all the things that he will miss when he graduates. From his first loves and his first ‘B-’s, to parties and chaste hand jobs in the back of Sleep and Dreams, Daniels has seen and done it all. Yet, there is one thing he will miss most of all.

With a wistful tone in his voice, he stated, “I guess what I loved the best was being that IHum kid that you hated. I remember the days when I would put my hand up to ask an in-depth question at 10:49AM, just as we all were about to leave. Of course, then there were the times when I would argue with the professor, whose experience and expertise far outweighs my own.” Daniels smiles, a smug grin that contains all the misguided intelligence he believed, and continues to believe, he had. “Simpler times,” he said, “when a man could prove to all the other freshmen in his section that yes, he could use the word Nietzschean somewhat correctly in a sentence.”

Although Daniels will be graduating with some of his dreams left still unfulfilled, he is proud to have at least accomplished this. Said Daniels, “It’s very important to have someone who can unite other freshmen in hatred, and that’s something we’ll all miss. It’s similar to what Kierkegaard outlined in that respect.” Daniels does not intend to change his way of life as he joins the workforce; he insists that he will spend his first job asking his boss how his golf game is going and using the word ‘synergy’ at least twice a day.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…