CAPITOL HILL—Today, Congress heard arguments over a bill that would mandate the replacement of the scientific method with what lawmakers are calling the “Blue’s Clues” method.

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The bill would eliminate observational evidence, rigorous laboratory analysis, and doctored scientists with paw prints, a thinking chair, and the Salt and Pepper Family.

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“The complexities of modern science are completely lost on me,” said Senator Mitch McConnell, who sponsored the bill, “We need to go back to basics. I’m talking three clues and a handy-dandy notebook.

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Senator McConnell then refused to answer any more questions, telling Flipside reporters that it was “mail time.”

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