CAPITOL HILL—Today, Congress heard arguments over a bill that would mandate the replacement of the scientific method with what lawmakers are calling the “Blue’s Clues” method.

The bill would eliminate observational evidence, rigorous laboratory analysis, and doctored scientists with paw prints, a thinking chair, and the Salt and Pepper Family.

“The complexities of modern science are completely lost on me,” said Senator Mitch McConnell, who sponsored the bill, “We need to go back to basics. I’m talking three clues and a handy-dandy notebook.”

Senator McConnell then refused to answer any more questions, telling Flipside reporters that it was “mail time.”

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