Knicks, Nets Finalize Trade of Franchise-Crippling Problems

April 27, 2016 12:00 pm
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Knicks, Nets Finalize Trade of Franchise-Crippling Problems

During the NBA playoffs, it is often easy to forget that there are 14 teams who did not make the postseason. On Sunday, though, the New York Nets and Brooklyn Nets made that difficult as they executed a blockbuster trade sure to shake the foundations of the NBA for years to come. ESPN’s Brain Windhorst reports that the Nets have swapped their 20 million in luxury tax payments, squadron of aging stars and appalling lack of draft picks for the Knicks’ lack of bench depth, sky-high fan and media expectations and appalling lack of draft picks.

New Nets GM Sean Marks stated, “We want to make a new start here in Brooklyn and we’ve been looking to make a big move since the day I accepted this post. It’s time to see what new and inventive ways we can use cripple this storied franchise.” Across the city, Knicks GM Phil Jackson was equally optimistic, noting, “We’re not afraid of taking on outsized contracts and abjectly terrible players. Hell, we’ve done that for the past twenty years. We’re excited to do it again. And we will find a way to restore the Knicks to their previous disgraces.”

Despite the momentous nature of the trade, the move was met with universal disappointment from both sets of fans, leading to protests outside of both Madison Square Garden and the Barclays Center. “Noooooo,” screamed one Nets fan resignedly, while a Knicks fan softly muttered “Fuck” under his breath.