Sick of being objectified, gawked at, and forced to remind men that they’re “up here”, champions of women’s rights campus-wide have elected to leave their breasts at home on Tuesday.
“If the guys around here can’t handle them, we’re just gonna’ get rid of them,” an organizer explained. “ Luckily, our breasts’ detachability makes it easy for us to take action. ‘No Tit Tuesday’ will give us girls a taste of life without boob-related bothers, and it’ll offer men a glimpse of a world free of jugs. God, why didn’t we do this sooner?”
The protest arose after an astute Sophomore girl answered a catcaller’s assertion that, “[i]f [she] didn’t want them tit’s to be looked at, [she] shouldn’t have left home with ‘em!” with a simple, “Okay then.” The demonstration quickly gained nationwide notoriety, with discussion of the protest prompting some women to also detach their butts and legs before leaving home.
Reaction among campus males has ranged from anger to perplexity. “Where tits go?” a quizzical Junior boy asked. “No tit? No! I want tit! Yes tit!” Even with assurance that Stanford’s breasts would soon return, countless men were left in fits of confusion as upon hearing the news of the women’s plans.
Still, the protestors stand by their tactics. “God gave us these bodies,” one explained, “and we shouldn’t have to be ashamed of them. And god also happened to make them detachable, so we’re going to use that. Period.”