After several years of continued success on the gridiron, President Hennessy announced that Stanford University would transfer all funds dedicated to academics to the championship-contending football program.
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“Honestly, the average American does not give two shits that we’re one of the best academic schools in the country,” Hennessy explained as he tore off his suit to reveal a #12 Andrew Luck jersey. “But what they do care about is our yards per carry. We’re simply supplying a demand.
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” When asked for an opinion, SEC fans shouted incoherently.
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