After several years of continued success on the gridiron, President Hennessy announced that Stanford University would transfer all funds dedicated to academics to the championship-contending football program. “Honestly, the average American does not give two shits that we’re one of the best academic schools in the country,” Hennessy explained as he tore off his suit to reveal a #12 Andrew Luck jersey. “But what they do care about is our yards per carry. We’re simply supplying a demand.” When asked for an opinion, SEC fans shouted incoherently.
You May Also Like
Flip-Fit: Crank the Intensity
Hello. I’m not writing this because I care about you. I’m…
- Charlie Dexter
- April 27, 2015
Stanford Offers Refund of $200 Per Rainy Day
Freshmen from all corners of the world are up in arms over…
- Amy Garcia
- October 21, 2011
Dining Hall Borrows TSA Techniques to Crackdown on Food Theft
Wilbur Dining Hall has instituted a new policy to stop students from…
- Samantha Bloom
- October 24, 2013
Report: Freshmen Male Asked if He is Pregnant at Vaden
An embarrassed and shocked freshmen male was reportedly asked if he was…
- Ben Lubkin
- February 10, 2011