When draw results were announced last Wednesday via Axess, freshman student and current Twain resident Jack Burnings was marginally content with the results.  Sources close to Burnings report that he and his five closest friends will be moving across Escondido Road to Branner, though it was not evident whether he scored a two-room double or got assigned to the less desirable one-room double option.

According to blog posts believed to be written by Burnings over the past month, experts predict that the freshman desired to draw into an upper row house, and was terrified of being assigned to FloMo.  Branner was only mentioned briefly in the blog, and was grouped with Crothers and Roble as being “a fairly solid option…overall, meh.”

A friend and hallmate of Burnings recently spoke to the Flipside under conditions of anonymity:  “Jack is really taking this in stride.  He doesn’t seem to be too excited or too distraught.  It’s like he has been riding an emotional roller coaster this week…but a really tame, flat roller coaster.”

Friends in Burnings’ draw group were unavailable for comment this week, possibly as a result of the extraordinarily unemotional state they find themselves in.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…