International Sex Scandal Becomes Political Tactic

May 27, 2011 1:23 pm
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International Sex Scandal Becomes Political Tactic
In the week following the sex scandal of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the Managing Director of the IMF, a new format of campaigning has appeared across the country. After seeing Kahn’s popularity soar in the days following his harassment lawsuit, many of the 2012 presidential candidates have decided to swap their traditional million-dollar campaign practices for sex scandals of their own.

Republican front-runner Mitt Romney explained why politicians across the country are replacing pollsters with prostitutes, “I’ve been playing the traditional politics game for decades and it’s gotten me nowhere. A simple look at the Bill Clintons and John Kennedys shows that ‘traditional’ politics is a myth.”

According to Karen Owens, an up and coming political analyst, people like extramarital affairs because it gives them something to relate to. Owens explained, “What we’ve seen from Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, and the rest is that picking up elections is just like picking up chicks in bars. Nice guys finish last, assholes get the girl, and if you want approval, you need to show your staffers who’s boss.”

Perhaps most interesting in the new political strategy is how candidates’ spouses are involved in the new campaign practices.

Carolyn Paul, wife of presidential hopeful Ron Paul, explained how she functions in the new campaign. “Ron told me that for him to become president, I’d have to catch him in an affair. We decided that next week, I’m going to come home from work “early” to catch him in the act. I want my baby to win, so he’s got to do what he’s got to do.