Only weeks before he was to receive his Ph.D in English Literature, Stanford graduate student Lance Snarsdale is reportedly “very disappointed” to learn that he will not become a “real doctor” upon graduating. “I was already exploring residency options,” said Snarsdale. Needless to say, those plans are now on hold.

“I always just assumed that, you know, a doctor was a doctor,” said a visibly distraught Snarsdale. “Stanford really should be more clear about these things.” University officials declined to comment on this issue, instead directing us to a very clearly labelled online application to the “Ph.D Program in English Literature.”

Snarsdale, who spent the last six years at Stanford working on a dissertation on the parallels between Chaucer’s Cantebury Tales and The Very Hungry Caterpillar, reported being initially a bit confused to be studying so much English Literature at what he thought was Stanford Medical School, but that confusion quickly subsided. “I guess I figured that we covered most of that doctor stuff in Chem 31 and Bio Core.”

Fellow English Literature Ph.D candidates Dylan Rehagen and Helen Parkerson, both close friends of Snarsdale over the past six years, reportedly considered revealing the truth several times during their studies. “We really wanted to tell him,” said Parkerson, “but we also really liked wearing lab coats to class.”

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