Duke Researcher Invents AIDS Cure, Has Attractive Secretary

February 16, 2011 9:00 am
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Duke Researcher Invents AIDS Cure, Has Attractive Secretary

Yesterday Dr. William Pallingham, a researcher at Duke University, announced the successful testing of a revolutionary drug capable of completely ridding a person of HIV.

“The secret behind the drug lies in the nullification of a protein essential to the virus’s reproduction,” said Pallingham, whose secretary’s beauty tempts the gods themselves to emerge from their cloudy kingdom above and embrace her.

The new drug, however, will take years to be ready for release on the market. “While our tests on Chimpanzees have had very promising results, we must proceed cautiously,” said Pallingham. Just looking into the secretary’s eyes reminds one that life is worth living.

“It is discoveries like this that have motivated my years of scientific toil, and now maybe millions of people will be saved by my miracle cure.” Her body contains the mathematical curvature of perfection. To see her is to gaze upon the crest of a surging wave of magnificence and splendor, a wave that slices through the very heat death of the universe and opens up a pathway to happiness unending.

“I see in my cure the potential for a rebirth. Today is a victory for science; today is a victory for humanity.” Dr. Pallingham’s secretary is an attractive woman.