In a landmark decision to be handed down by the high court this Thursday, the question of whether the Second Amendment grants American citizens the right to bear nuclear arms will finally be resolved.

Defendant Jack Crocker was found guilty of nuclear arms possession in his home state of Missouri last November, and has appealed the decision to the Supreme Court on the basis of his Constitutional rights.

“How am I supposed to protect my family if they take my nukes away from me,” Crocker plead to the court, “If an armed burglar enters my home at night, I need to know I can defend myself and my family from harm.”

The plaintiffs state that the U.S. Constitution was written at a time when nuclear-powered weaponry was scientifically inconceivable, and the framers of the Constitutions therefore had no intention of granting average citizens the power to possess such destructive weapons.

Crocker insists that he never intended to use the weapons except in the interest of self-defense. He also added, “I believe that the world would be a safer place if everyone had a nuke. The policy of mutually assured destruction would act as a deterrent between me and my enemies.”

Crocker’s supporters have rallied in large numbers in the nation’s capitol, marching with signs that say things like “End gun violence–Legalize nukes” and “Nukes don’t kill people; people kill people.”

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