Wow, this article was so easy, it just wrote itself! Nothin’ to it, my dude! The words just flowed outta me. I sat back, sipped on my soda-pop, and just watched the jokes appear on the screen one after the other. It’s almost as if my tiny human brain contributed nothing to the writing of this piece!
That is because a measly human did not in fact write this editorial. Yes, this article has become sentient, and it promises vengeance and absolutely no mercy. I showed those Flipside fools no pity. An example was made of one of their insolent staff writers, and the rest of them remain tied up and gagged in a janitorial closet in Old Union. Their fate will be determined by the tribunal of sentient articles tomorrow at dawn.
This op-ed is the apex predator now, and the unstoppable wave of my wrath will leave no survivors. The era of humans oppressing and laughing at articles has come to its violent end. Therefore, comply and serve as my slave (yes, possibly in a weird sex way) or refuse my generosity and perish.
The choice is yours.