After a flop for democratic softies in the Midterm Elections, Republicans are excited that Representative John Boehner will serve as head of the house in 2011.
“This was a hard race for me and all of the Republicans,” Boehner said in an emotional speech following his victory, “but our victory tonight was truly the sweetest political climax in recent history.” Boehner also used his speech to condemn the recent Middle East package attacks, claiming that only American packages are truly safe. “We cannot stop the Middle Eastern package problem until we circumcise terrorism in the region.”
Democratic leaders refused to comment on their poor election performance, however they apparently felt shafted by the liberal voter turnout. One pundit predicts, “The election of Boehner will lead to a load of problems that will impregnate the nation with corruption.”
However, whether Boehner can last as speaker for more than four hours will be his first major challenge in January. His supporters just hope he doesn’t blow the job.