Early last week, the famed prediction machine Paul the octopus died. Paul, who perfectly predicted the results of the 2010 World Cup and was 12/14 lifetime, was an octopus of many talents and accomplishments. A major promoter of tentacle erotica in his early school days, Paul had quite a wild side. As a dear friend said, “He was one crazy fuckin’ octopus.” Paul mellowed as he aged, finding great pleasure in going for long swims in the tank and snacking on mussels. The entire cephalopod community rallied together around Paul’s death. Even President Obama attended his cremation, during which he was movingly described as “not having a single bad bone in his body.”

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…

NFL Players Nonchalant About Daily Risk of Crippling Head Trauma Weirdly Terrified By COVID

As American sports begins the slow process to reopening and getting back…