Early last week, the famed prediction machine Paul the octopus died. Paul, who perfectly predicted the results of the 2010 World Cup and was 12/14 lifetime, was an octopus of many talents and accomplishments. A major promoter of tentacle erotica in his early school days, Paul had quite a wild side. As a dear friend said, “He was one crazy fuckin’ octopus.” Paul mellowed as he aged, finding great pleasure in going for long swims in the tank and snacking on mussels. The entire cephalopod community rallied together around Paul’s death. Even President Obama attended his cremation, during which he was movingly described as “not having a single bad bone in his body.”

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