STANFORD, CA—Six days ahead of schedule, the Office of Undergraduate Admissions released the results for the class of 2014 applicant pool. With 32,022 applicants, Stanford admission rates have gotten more competitive than ever. Earlier today, Dean of Admissions Richard Shaw announced that the acceptance rate for the class of 2014 was -3.14%.

“Not only did Stanford not accept any new applicants, we actually had to kick out some of the under-qualified students who are already here,” commented Shaw. “College these days is tougher than ever, and if we want Stanford to keep its elite status, we can only keep the best.” Other top schools such as Harvard and Princeton boasted admit rates of postive 4.2% and 2.1% respectively.

Among the students kicked out were the entire dorm of Junipero as well as the lower two floors of Mirrielees. “We will be using those residences to house the really good application essays that we get,” said housing manager Ron Grinwall.

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