STANFORD, CA –– A recent study has shown there is a high correlation between over-drinking and waking up in SAE without your pants. While it may seem that this statement is relevant only to girls, the bizarre twist is that the statistics show that 60 percent of those who have woken up in SAE without pants were male, while only 35 percent were female. The other 5 percent were unsure whether to consider themselves male or female after the previous night’s events.

“I had no plans to go to SAE at all that night,” said a freshman girl who would like to remain anonymous. “But after six shots of Captain all I could think about was SAE SAE SAE!!!” Many of the individuals who participated in the survey expressed the desire never to return to SAE, but mysteriously returned after extended periods of drinking.

One male surveyed said, “It’s not that it’s so much fun or anything like that. It’s just that SAE is the one place I know I can go where I won’t have to make excuses like ‘It’s my cell phone’ or ‘These pants have a really thick zipper.’ The girls are just used to it there.”

Of course, it is important to note that this study simply demonstrates correlation, which does not necessarily imply causation, and no definite conclusions can be made at this time. There is one thing we know for certain, however. Someone in SAE has a really unique and diverse collection of pants.

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