Chicago (AP) – An apartment building collapsed last Tuesday killing all two hundred people inside. Of those who were killed, one was the second-cousin-twice-removed of the third-string quarterback of the Miami Dolphins.

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Marty Hastings was 65, lived alone, and was known by neighbors as the old man who liked to kick cats and molest children. Miami Dolphin Walter Hastings is having a difficult time deciding whether he will show up to his 8AM weight lifting session with the team, or go to the funeral.

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“I never even met the creepy old-dude,” said the quarterback, “So I might go, maybe.

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” No one knows as of yet how this tragedy will affect the Dolphins’ season, but the entire world is praying for the Hastings family at the moment.

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Also killed in the collapse were 3 teachers, one fireman, and a Nobel Laureate.

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