Stanford University is hoping to make impressive headway on the diversity front with a new plan to reach out to its most neglected minority: babes. The initiative centers around an affirmative action program that will ease admission requirements for babes and entice them with generous financial aid packages. “This is an important step for us in crafting a diverse student population and reaching out to demographics that have been historically underrepresented at Stanford,” proclaimed Dean of Admissions Richard Shaw. “Our attitude used to be, ‘Let the babes come to us.’ Those days are over—we’re going to be extremely proactive from now on.”

The construction of a community center for babes is also in the works. Previously, the babes of Stanford University were resigned to a life of quiet suffering in the Cowell Cluster. “I’m really excited about finally having a place where I can feel comfortable on campus,” said a babe who wished to remain anonymous. “The Babe Community Center will provide a great space for us to gather, and babe-affiliated student groups will finally have a place to meet.” The babe community and its supporters have applauded these measures, which will bring Stanford up to speed with more progressive institutions like University of Arizona and Loyola Marymount University.

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