After learning that the disease often contracted in the spring, March Madness, was not covered in America’s healthcare plan for millions of citizens, President Obama decided action was necessary. At a press conference earlier today, The President addressed the issue, “This is a serious problem. We need to change the system. I know this disease affects real folks, myself included, and it is important to make this a priority.”

March Madness is an extremely contagious disease, most prevalent in males. Side effects include painting your face and body, insanity, and a tendency to neglect bodily functions. It is extremely dangerous because there is a new strain every year, making the disease even more unpredictable.

President Obama moved this issue to the top of his priority list, having already begun to draft a bill fixing the issue. The bill will stipulate that all citizens have the right to a March Madness treatment called “There’s always next year.” He is also expected to include a clause granting him unlimited re-do’s on his bracket.

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