Steph Curry’s Knee Best Player On The Portland Trail Blazers

May 2, 2016 12:00 pm
Steph Curry’s Knee Best Player On The Portland Trail Blazers
Read more ›

Knicks, Nets Finalize Trade of Franchise-Crippling Problems

April 27, 2016 12:00 pm
Knicks, Nets Finalize Trade of Franchise-Crippling Problems

During the NBA playoffs, it is often easy to forget that there are 14 teams who did not make the postseason. On Sunday, though, the New York Nets and Brooklyn Nets made that difficult as they executed a blockbuster trade sure to shake the foundations of the NBA for years […]

Read more ›

NFL Introduces Concussion-Friendly Programming to Boost Ratings

April 18, 2016 12:00 pm
NFL Introduces Concussion-Friendly Programming to Boost Ratings

In the NFL’s annual struggle to boost April ratings with their schedule in flux between the Superbowl and the NFL Draft, Commissioner Roger Goodell has introduced a new slate of concussion-related programming. The programming was created to get American eyes back on the league and simultaneously combat the league’s recent […]

Read more ›

Kobe Ends Storied Career By Considering Passing Torch, Then Shooting Torch 50 Times Instead

April 13, 2016 11:00 pm
Kobe Ends Storied Career By Considering Passing Torch, Then Shooting Torch 50 Times Instead
Read more ›

Tessier-Lavigne Lowers Hoop to 6ft to Perform “Excessive” Windmill Dunk

February 16, 2016 12:00 pm
Tessier-Lavigne Lowers Hoop to 6ft to Perform “Excessive” Windmill Dunk
Read more ›

45-40: Literacy Scores of Alabama Versus Clemson

January 19, 2016 12:00 pm
45-40: Literacy Scores of Alabama Versus Clemson
Read more ›

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

January 11, 2016 12:00 pm
Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that Broncos QB Peyton Manning knowingly used human growth hormone in order to extend his career longevity, NFL insiders are reportedly ecstatic at evidence that will help explain the medical marvel that is the former Super Bowl winner’s giant […]

Read more ›

NCAA Suspends McCaffrey For Being Too Cool for School

January 4, 2016 12:00 pm
NCAA Suspends McCaffrey For Being Too Cool for School

Despite the Cardinal’s impressive 45-16 rout of the Iowa Hawkeyes in this year’s Rose Bowl, the evening ended on a somber note as NCAA officials revealed that star RB Christian McCaffrey will be suspended for a year under a little-known NCAA by-law banning outrageous charm and good looks. Noting the […]

Read more ›

Gaieties To Feature Cameos From Cal’s Entire Starting Defense

November 16, 2015 12:01 pm
Gaieties To Feature Cameos From Cal’s Entire Starting Defense

Reports indicate that Gaieties, Stanford’s long-running musical that ridicules our enemies from across the Bay, will this year feature cameos from every athlete currently starting for the Bears’ defense. While this move may surprise many, given that these 11 men will be playing against Stanford on Saturday, many Cal players […]

Read more ›

Op Ed: This is how football works

12:00 pm
Op Ed: This is how football works

Hi, I’m Rick Featherton and I’m going to explain how football works. The rules of football are complicated, and can get confusing to the layman or woman. But have no fear! By the time you’ve finished reading this, you’ll be a football expert! Football starts when all the players (each […]

Read more ›