Area Mom Wants You To Know You Can Feel Comfortable Crying To Her, In Fact It’s Fun For Her

May 30, 2017 12:00 pm
Area Mom Wants You To Know You Can Feel Comfortable Crying To Her, In Fact It’s Fun For Her

CINCINATTI, OH — Enveloping your hand in hers across the dinner table, area mom wants you to know that you don’t have to worry about her – she would truly take delight in watching you cry about the state of your depressing life. “Honey, it’s okay. You don’t have to […]

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Donald Trump Uncovers Conspiracy, Insists “This One Goes All The Way to the Top”

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Donald Trump Uncovers Conspiracy, Insists “This One Goes All The Way to the Top”

  Gripping tightly in both hands a stack of papers that he described as “terrible stuff”, President Donald Trump gave a press briefing early yesterday morning in which he described the details of an elaborate political conspiracy he’d accidentally uncovered, going so far as to insist that it went “all […]

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Unclear Why Dad Now Writing “Mom” With Ironic Quotation Marks, But It Can’t Be Good

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Unclear Why Dad Now Writing “Mom” With Ironic Quotation Marks, But It Can’t Be Good
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Frat Boy Ensnared in Mind-Twisting Game of Alcohol-And-Dice-Table

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Frat Boy Ensnared in Mind-Twisting Game of Alcohol-And-Dice-Table

Earlier today, on the front lawn of Sigma Nu, one of the fraternity’s Snappa Grandmasters found himself embroiled in a match for the history books. Alex Tranner, heretofore undefeated in the many years that he has played the gentleman’s game, started the match with an uncharacteristically aggressive opening move, choosing […]

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This Woman FELL Off a CLIFF and Now She’s DEAD

May 22, 2017 12:00 pm
Accident-prone female executive falling over against a white background
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Review: La La Land Is So Cheesy I Could Eat It On a Fondue

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Review: La La Land Is So Cheesy I Could Eat It On a Fondue

Charles Clifford, Cinema Critic Parmesan, cheddar, and now La La Land; if it looks like a cheese, and smells like a cheese, it’s probably a cheese. Oh what a cheesy cheese director Damien Chazelle hath fermented for moviegoers. And that’s just the start of my pan, read on below as […]

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Some Grandparents Die, And That’s OK, And Some Grandparents Can’t Die Even If They Want To, And That’s OK Too

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Some Grandparents Die, And That’s OK, And Some Grandparents Can’t Die Even If They Want To, And That’s OK Too
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Stanford Psychology Department Encourages Students To Respond To All Questions Using Week Numbers

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Stanford Psychology Department Encourages Students To Respond To All Questions Using Week Numbers

The Stanford psychology department just finished testing and now plans to implement a new pilot program that encourages students to respond to questions or incite conversation with “week numbers” in order to facilitate more successful interpersonal and peer-to-peer communication at Stanford. Fueled by a prevalent campus-wide sentiment that rigorous academics […]

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The Drought Is Over And It Is Time To Revel In California’s Liquid Bounty

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The Drought Is Over And It Is Time To Revel In California’s Liquid Bounty

The drought is gone, and California is saved. We did it! And now that the water’s back, we are glad to bring these wet tidings to you now. Turn on all of the water taps. Let them run. For now is a time of plenty! We’ve got water to spare, […]

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Help! I Cloned Jesus from a Mosquito Trapped in Amber and Now He’s Ruining My Theme Park

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Help! I Cloned Jesus from a Mosquito Trapped in Amber and Now He’s Ruining My Theme Park

When I opened this theme park all those years ago, all I had was a little cash and a big dream: to create a place where visitors could come and, even if only for a few hours, experience the presence of our one and only messiah. But now look at […]

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