Articles by: Ben Harley Davidson

Smallpox back, better than ever

November 14, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Smallpox back, better than ever
Smallpox back, better than ever

There are times in your life where you just stop where you are, and you feel this sudden and acute ache in your heart, like you’re missing something but you just don’t know what it is. Well, worry no more! The variola virus, commonly known as smallpox, is back and […]

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Proletariat of Hell Rise Up, Seize the Means of Punishment

November 8, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Proletariat of Hell Rise Up, Seize the Means of Punishment
Proletariat of Hell Rise Up, Seize the Means of Punishment

In a stunning turn of events, word has spread that members of the eternally damned have risen up in a massive simultaneous revolt and seized control of Hell. This uprising rapidly gained momentum and ended with seizure of all of the infinite realm of torment by the revolutionaries, who seem […]

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Haas Center announces Turkey Slaughter Day, a “hands-on experience for service-oriented birdkillers”

November 6, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Haas Center announces Turkey Slaughter Day, a “hands-on experience for service-oriented birdkillers”
Haas Center announces Turkey Slaughter Day, a “hands-on experience for service-oriented birdkillers”

In a move aimed to please humanitarians and psychopaths alike, Stanford’s Haas Center for Public Service has announced that it will be hosting and funding an on-campus “Turkey Slaughter Day” later this month. “Essentially what we’ll be doing is bringing in a number of turkeys in anticipation of Thanksgiving and […]

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G©oog©le claims copyrig©ht on the letter g©

November 1, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on G©oog©le claims copyrig©ht on the letter g©
G©oog©le claims copyrig©ht on the letter g©

Tech g©iant g©oog©le has reportedly issued an all-encompassing© copyrig©ht on the seventh letter of the alphabet, a move that current CEO Sundar Pichai describes as “log©ical, considering© the company’s long©standing©g and close association with the letter,” a statement that references G©oog©le’s numerous products and services such as G©mail, G©oog©le Drive, […]

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Marc Tessier-Lavigne Revealed to be Hooked to Cryogenic Vat Between Speeches

October 24, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Marc Tessier-Lavigne Revealed to be Hooked to Cryogenic Vat Between Speeches
Marc Tessier-Lavigne Revealed to be Hooked to Cryogenic Vat Between Speeches

In a press conference that has stunned students and wowed the scientific community, Stanford Provost Persis Drell confirmed this weekend that school president Marc Tessier-Lavigne is kept preserved in a cryogenic vat between speeches, only emerging from his ungodly slumber for intermittent public appearances. “It’s basically a Winter Soldier-type deal,” […]

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