Student Wearing Reflective Bike Gear is Fucking Invincible

December 1, 2014 12:00 pm
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Student Wearing Reflective Bike Gear is Fucking Invincible

 Zipping through the fall air, neon jacket flapping in the wind, leaves crackling under the blur of his tires. You may have glimpsed Stanford undergraduate Will Cochran on his bicycle this fall, but chances are he was moving too quickly for you to get a good look at him. What gives Cochran the overpowering self-assurance to bike at such high speeds, at all times of day? The answer, it turns out, is his yellow reflective clothing, which transforms him from a reedy MS&E major into an “un-killable juggernaut.”

Although reflective gear was designed to increase visibility for cyclists and pedestrians at night, individuals like Cochran have found that the vests and decals do more than increase their nighttime safety, namely transforming them into unbreakable iron men with diamond eyes instead of people eyes.

“I want you to punch me, right here” said the junior in an interview, gesturing at his cheek. When this reporter failed to comply, Cochran broke into a large smile.  “You can’t hurt me. Nothing can hurt me. I have a light-weight neon and silver jacket and I have defeated death.”

There are, however, those that doubt the gospel of reflective clothing zealots like Cochran. One anonymous naysayer spoke to me last week about his doubts. “No, I don’t think the vests grant the wearers immortal bodies,” he said, “I actually think people who bike too fast are douche-bags regardless of how much they spent on their clothes.”

As of press time, Cochran was seen explaining to bystanders that if there was a game of rock paper scissors where the options were rock, Will Cochran, and God, he would be the option that beats God.

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