Op-Ed: Today I Was Arrested at Tresidder For Throwing My Trash in the Wrong Bin

April 16, 2019 7:00 pm
Op-Ed: Today I Was Arrested at Tresidder For Throwing My Trash in the Wrong Bin

Look, I get it, but when the cops accost you two seconds after throwing away your Aquafina — it’s always Aquafina! — in the compost instead of whichever one it’s actually supposed to go in, you realize something about man’s vision of heaven. And lemme tell you: it ain’t pretty. […]

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Op-Ed: My Alternative Spring Break Was Gladiatorial Bloodsport, and It Was Life-Changing

April 9, 2019 7:00 pm
Op-Ed: My Alternative Spring Break Was Gladiatorial Bloodsport, and It Was Life-Changing

When I looked around me at the end of last quarter, you know what I saw? A bunch of slobs, groupies, and good-for-nothing scum who weren’t planning on doing jack-diddly with their week off. Take a break from academics? Spend time with friends and family? Find a spare second to […]

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Op-Ed: The Male Orgasm is a Myth

February 11, 2019 7:00 pm
Op-Ed: The Male Orgasm is a Myth

I’d had my suspicions for a while, but I hadn’t had any proof. Maybe it was the way my boyfriend Matt was only willing to plonk me if the lights were off. Maybe it was the blatant photoshop they use in porn. Maybe it was the way that SHPRC kept […]

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An Open Letter to the Degenerate Fuckstick who Stole our Box of Flipside Prints

February 4, 2019 7:00 pm
An Open Letter to the Degenerate Fuckstick who Stole our Box of Flipside Prints

You rodent. You scum. You absolute filth. You just had to do it, didn’t you. Yes, you—the one wearing the rolled up canvas capris, the ‘Camp Stanford’ t-shirt, a baby blue Aeropostale jacket, glasses with no lenses, and a stickered Hydroflask in your hand. We know what you did, and you […]

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Dear 106A Section Leader: Karel Took My Virginity and I Think I’m Falling for Her

January 28, 2019 7:00 pm
Dear 106A Section Leader: Karel Took My Virginity and I Think I’m Falling for Her

Dear Scott, I know you’ve only been my section leader for a couple of weeks, but you’re the only one I feel comfortable talking to about this. Something happened last night, in the wet darkness of my dorm room while my roommate slept, blissfully unaware. I was writing code in […]

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Op-Ed: We Need Kardinal Normal Sex

December 3, 2018 7:00 pm
Op-Ed: We Need Kardinal Normal Sex

It’s hard to be a vanilla, cisgender, heterosexual woman or man at Stanford University in 2018, when it feels more and more like the queers and kinksters are taking over—not only discourse on gender and identity or aspects of media and culture, but even sweet, simple act of intercourse itself.  […]

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Op-Ed: I’m a Real Person Just Like You, I Just Eat Other People

October 28, 2018 11:59 am
Op-Ed: I’m a Real Person Just Like You, I Just Eat Other People

I’m sick of being discriminated against. It’s no secret that it can be hard to be members of certain demographics on Stanford’s campus. I understand, I really do, that some people just don’t agree with certain opinions—and I fully believe in their right to say so. But damn it, I’ve […]

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Op-Ed: My Classmates Keep Playing Devil’s Advocate. I Want to Play God’s Advocate.

October 8, 2018 7:00 pm
Op-Ed: My Classmates Keep Playing Devil’s Advocate. I Want to Play God’s Advocate.

Every class I’m in, there always seems to be someone at hand to advocate for the will of Satan. And quite frankly? I’ve had enough of the imbalance. If everyone else is going to keep playing Devil’s Advocate, then it’s high time I play God’s. The Lord has a place […]

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Op-Ed: How To Beat The Draw, By Me, The ShamWow Guy

May 30, 2018 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: How To Beat The Draw, By Me, The ShamWow Guy

Didn’t get your first choice? Suffering from fractured friendships? Over-eager to disrupt the private lives of upperclassmen who just want to graduate on time? Well buckle up, buttercup — here’s a pro’s inside scoop on how to really beat the Stanford Draw! Other insiders might tell you to pre-assign, return […]

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Op-Ed: I Made my Phone Screen Black and White Because a Vox Video Told Me to, and Now I’m Blind

March 19, 2018 12:03 am
Op-Ed: I Made my Phone Screen Black and White Because a Vox Video Told Me to, and Now I’m Blind

  That’s right folks, those internet trolls got me again, and this time it’s resulted in a pesky little problem: I’ve lost vision in both of my eyes. Last night, as I was browsing some of my favorite YouTube channels, which include Vox, NowThis and The Young Turks, I came […]

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