Articles by: Matt LaVan

2013 Officially Declared Sluttiest Year Yet

January 6, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on 2013 Officially Declared Sluttiest Year Yet
2013 Officially Declared Sluttiest Year Yet
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News in Brief: Uruguay legalizes Marijuana

December 25, 2013 9:38 amComments Off on News in Brief: Uruguay legalizes Marijuana
News in Brief: Uruguay legalizes Marijuana

President Jose Mujica has vaulted his South American home into the national spotlight by approving a plan to create an official, fully regulated internal marijuana trade. Uruguay now faces the unique challenge of writing guidelines for regulating each stage of the marijuana market, from growing to selling to stocking pharmacies. […]

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Opinion: My roommate sure loves his music!

November 19, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on Opinion: My roommate sure loves his music!
Opinion: My roommate sure loves his music!

My roommate loves his music. Every night like clockwork, it’s on with the headphones, open the laptop, and off he goes into his own little world, curled up on his bed in the corner of our room. He seems to be having fun, but it’s too bad that he’s sick […]

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Toronto’s Mayor Denies Addiction to Cracked.com

November 11, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on Toronto’s Mayor Denies Addiction to Cracked.com
Toronto’s Mayor Denies Addiction to Cracked.com

Toronto, Canada – Toronto’s notorious mayor, Rob “Wildcard” Ford, confronts the latest in a string of scandals this week. And while he was able to brush off his past use of cocaine with the excuse that he was “probably piss drunk,” he will likely have a harder time putting to […]

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Single Conservative Student Quietly Looks Down and Chooses Not to Make an Issue of it

9:02 amComments Off on Single Conservative Student Quietly Looks Down and Chooses Not to Make an Issue of it
Single Conservative Student Quietly Looks Down and Chooses Not to Make an Issue of it

Until last Thursday, Cedro resident Clarence Goodman had experienced a smooth transition into life on the Farm. He joined an a cappella group, earned a some scars learning to bike with no hands, and even kissed a few lucky ladies under the light of the Full Moon on the Quad. […]

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Falafel Better Than Expected

9:00 amComments Off on Falafel Better Than Expected
Falafel Better Than Expected
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Student Really Busy

November 4, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on Student Really Busy
Student Really Busy
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Following String of Hospital Transports, FloMo Faces Academic Probation and Unhoused Status Next Year

12:00 pmComments Off on Following String of Hospital Transports, FloMo Faces Academic Probation and Unhoused Status Next Year
Following String of Hospital Transports, FloMo Faces Academic Probation and Unhoused Status Next Year
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World’s Top Physicists Agree: NBC Should Not Put Parks and Recreation on Hiatus

October 31, 2013 9:00 amComments Off on World’s Top Physicists Agree: NBC Should Not Put Parks and Recreation on Hiatus
World’s Top Physicists Agree: NBC Should Not Put Parks and Recreation on Hiatus

Following the announcement from television and radio network NBC that the popular mockumentary-style sitcom Parks and Recreation, the greatest minds in the field of physics collaborated on a staggering report that shows conclusively that NBC has erred in its decision. On the subject of the show, which chronicles the lives […]

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Bashar al-Assad Shocked at Stanford Post Office Wait Times

October 30, 2013 9:00 amComments Off on Bashar al-Assad Shocked at Stanford Post Office Wait Times
Bashar al-Assad Shocked at Stanford Post Office Wait Times

  In a rare press release from the civil-war-torn Syrian government, President Bashar al-Assad expressed shock and concern over the increasingly long wait times at the Stanford post office. Assad, whose administration is accused of several human rights violations and the deaths of thousands commented, “I have heard that at […]

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