Articles by: Matt LaVan

Freak Weather Pattern Forces Sigma Nu Residents to Go Shirtless

February 13, 2014 9:00 amComments Off on Freak Weather Pattern Forces Sigma Nu Residents to Go Shirtless
Freak Weather Pattern Forces Sigma Nu Residents to Go Shirtless

While most of Stanford campus struggles in the frosty grip of winter, with temperatures dipping as low as 60 degrees, Sigma Nu has been experiencing what can only be called a micro-microclimate, a small patch of unseasonably warm weather within the Palo Alto microclimate. To cope with the heat, Sigma […]

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OP-ED: Pretty Girl Sitting Next to Me Must. Not. Fart.

February 12, 2014 9:00 amComments Off on OP-ED: Pretty Girl Sitting Next to Me Must. Not. Fart.
OP-ED: Pretty Girl Sitting Next to Me Must. Not. Fart.

Oh wow, she smiled when she sat down. Was she smiling at me? I hope so. She’s so pretty. No, she’s beautiful. Not sexy or cute, but beautiful, like a woman. God, she is just made of curves, one after another, like some marble statue into which a tortured artist […]

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Bill Nye Admits Ken Ham “May Have a Point”

February 11, 2014 9:00 amComments Off on Bill Nye Admits Ken Ham “May Have a Point”
Bill Nye Admits Ken Ham “May Have a Point”

Last week two juggernauts clashed in formal debate. Self-styled Bill Nye “The Science Guy,” whose life mission is to spread the love of science and progressive thought, stepped up to a battle of wits with Ken Ham, President of the Young Earth organization Answers in Genesis and the Creation Museum. […]

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Following Arrest of Ross Ulbright, Annual FBI Party will be Awesome

February 10, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Following Arrest of Ross Ulbright, Annual FBI Party will be Awesome
Following Arrest of Ross Ulbright, Annual FBI Party will be Awesome

Records detailing the arrest of Ross Ulbright, the man behind the extensive internet black market, the Silk Road, bring many previously unknown details to light about the investigation. The site is far more sophisticated than investigators realized, Ulbright’s crimes far more heinous, and the upcoming annual FBI party is likely […]

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Stanford Assures Students: Drought is “Top Priority”

12:00 pmComments Off on Stanford Assures Students: Drought is “Top Priority”
Stanford Assures Students: Drought is “Top Priority”

As the dry season drags on, the drought affecting all of southern California is worsening. Farmers are concerned, and the drought can be felt in all aspects of everyday life. As such, Stanford is forced to choose between its two reputations as a “green” school. How to balance environmental concerns […]

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Kendrick Lamar Spills Mustard on Shirt at Grammy After-Party

February 4, 2014 9:00 amComments Off on Kendrick Lamar Spills Mustard on Shirt at Grammy After-Party
Kendrick Lamar Spills Mustard on Shirt at Grammy After-Party

  Following the Grammy awards ceremony, wherein he was passed over for best album, best new artist, and best rap performance, as well as best rap/sung collaboration, best R&B performance, best rap song, and best rap album, Lamar was feeling a little blue. “The important thing is making good music […]

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Study Finds Gender Gap in Meth is Widening

January 27, 2014 12:01 pmComments Off on Study Finds Gender Gap in Meth is Widening
Study Finds Gender Gap in Meth is Widening

It is no surprise by now that men are more likely to study meth after high school than their female counterparts, but a new study indicates that the gender gap may be widening even further. Not only are women underrepresented in meth and meth-related fields – like being a methhead, […]

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Something Absurd Yet Relatable has Happened

January 24, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Something Absurd Yet Relatable has Happened
Something Absurd Yet Relatable has Happened

BREAKING NEWS – early this morning, a local man experienced something that, while closely paralleling a very mundane event, differed slightly in some aspects. Experts agree that most people who read this news story have probably been through an extremely similar event in the past, and in fact may may […]

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Getting the Most Out of Your Demonic Possession

January 21, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Getting the Most Out of Your Demonic Possession
Getting the Most Out of Your Demonic Possession

So you partied a little too hard, drank a little too much, knelt in a few too many pentagrams chanting arcane spells better left unknown. And now you’ve woken up to find a thing of pure evil has wrapped itself in your flesh and made you its host. You’re either […]

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Vaden Unveils New Sexual Health Initiative: “Pee During Sex”

January 6, 2014 12:01 pmComments Off on Vaden Unveils New Sexual Health Initiative: “Pee During Sex”
Vaden Unveils New Sexual Health Initiative: “Pee During Sex”

The Sexual Health Peer Resource Center has been a strong proponent on campus of safe and informed sexual practices, striving to enable students to make healthy decisions and promoting a sex-positive culture. You probably know them as the guys who give you free condoms. This same organization was among the […]

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