Articles by: Barney Schmutz

Clone Army of Undergrad Premed Interns Created Inside SLAC

January 30, 2011 2:29 pmComments Off on Clone Army of Undergrad Premed Interns Created Inside SLAC
Clone Army of Undergrad Premed Interns Created Inside SLAC

In a press release yesterday, the dean of the School of Medicine, Phillip Pizzo, declared that a clone army of undergraduate premed interns has been created inside the SLAC National Accelerator Laboratory. The clone army is based off the genetic template of Andy Kim, from the class of 1993, who […]

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[photography] University policy regarding shooting photos/video in the Quad

January 23, 2011 4:23 pmComments Off on [photography] University policy regarding shooting photos/video in the Quad
[photography] University policy regarding shooting photos/video in the Quad

Conversation from: photography@lists.stanford.edu Emails are real, names are not. University shame is real. From: Lauren
 Dear film/video and photo community at Stanford, I just wanted to send out a note on behalf of University Communications regarding shooting photos and video in the Main Quad. It has recently been reiterated to […]

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Justin Bieber Shoots Heroin to Prove That He Is More Mature Than Miley Cyrus

January 15, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Justin Bieber Shoots Heroin to Prove That He Is More Mature Than Miley Cyrus
Justin Bieber Shoots Heroin to Prove That He Is More Mature Than Miley Cyrus

LOS ANGELES, CA—In a motel just outside downtown LA, Justin Bieber has reportedly filmed himself injecting a large dose of heroin into his bloodstream. His publicist, Melissa Victor, issued a statement about this controversial action early this morning: “Miley Cyrus was the subject of so much attention when she was […]

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Oprah Reports for Her Puppy fighting Ring on OSPN

January 12, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Oprah Reports for Her Puppy fighting Ring on OSPN
Oprah Reports for Her Puppy fighting Ring on OSPN

Oprah Winfrey welcomed the New Year with the launch of her eagerly anticipated Oprah Sports Program Network, or OSPN for short. Currently, the network is only airing live matches of puppy fighting, hosted by Oprah herself. Called “Oprah’s Puppies: Inspirational Fights to the Death,” the show features Oprah roaming the […]

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Stanford To Students: “Shut the Luck Up!”

January 9, 2011 2:30 pmComments Off on Stanford To Students: “Shut the Luck Up!”
Stanford To Students: “Shut the Luck Up!”

Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck has announced that he will stay with the school to play his redshirt junior year. However, Stanford has other plans for Luck. The school has just mandated “Operation Shut the Luck Up,” a school-wide program to prevent Luck from ever leaving the school. After the Stanford […]

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Female Cross Country Student Accidentally Buys Whole Milk

January 4, 2011 9:10 amComments Off on Female Cross Country Student Accidentally Buys Whole Milk
Female Cross Country Student Accidentally Buys Whole Milk

Stanford’s cross country team was thrown into chaos last week after one of its members accidentally purchased whole milk for the team at a local grocery store this past Sunday. “It seemed like a normal gallon of milk, but I must have been a little disoriented from not eating all […]

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Stanford Zoroastrians Protest Not-Being-Made-Fun-Of at Gaieties

December 6, 2010 1:35 amComments Off on Stanford Zoroastrians Protest Not-Being-Made-Fun-Of at Gaieties
Stanford Zoroastrians Protest Not-Being-Made-Fun-Of at Gaieties

When Wilma and Adarbad stormed out of Gaieties 45 minutes into the show, few people took notice. Most people thought that they were simply leaving to go to the bathroom; no one, however, realized that they were making a political statement. “We, the two Zoroastrians at Stanford are appalled, offended, […]

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BOSP Announces New Program in North Korea

December 2, 2010 9:00 amComments Off on BOSP Announces New Program in North Korea
BOSP Announces New Program in North Korea

The Bing Overseas Study Program (BOSP) at Stanford is pleased to announce its new program in Pyongyang, North Korea.   Starting in Fall 2011-2012, Stanford undergraduates will have the opportunity to immerse themselves in the diverse and stimulating cultural activities of the “Hermit Kingdom” while engaging in community based research […]

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Gaieties Audience Perfectly Embodies Gaieties Stereotypes

November 18, 2010 1:30 pmComments Off on Gaieties Audience Perfectly Embodies Gaieties Stereotypes
Gaieties Audience Perfectly Embodies Gaieties Stereotypes
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Winner of The Flipiside Halloween Costume Contest: Slutty Baby

October 31, 2010 2:49 pmComments Off on Winner of The Flipiside Halloween Costume Contest: Slutty Baby
Winner of The Flipiside Halloween Costume Contest: Slutty Baby
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