The number of admissions at Stanford fell to a record low this year, as people chose to keep more and more things a secret.

buy keflex online http://gmaxind.com/assets/jpg/keflex.html no prescription pharmacy

“Last year I admitted that I actually had a Berkeley shirt and was glad Stanford had Pepsi products,” said Blake Billsworth ’15, “But it seems like this year fewer and fewer people are admitting anything.”

The Stanford Admissions team also acknowledged that acceptances plummeted over the last year, with less acceptance than even the notoriously in-denial Ivy League schools.

“I refuse accept that Cream really isn’t as good as everyone says it is,” said Reggie Smith ‘14 as she surreptitiously threw an untouched Cream sandwich into the garbage.

Admissions Coordinator Kate Corman said that the admissions process has become highly competitive and fiercely cut-throat.

buy prednisone online http://gmaxind.com/assets/jpg/prednisone.html no prescription pharmacy

“I wanted to make a big deal of admitting that my finals were really hard,” said Billsworth, “but everyone was in such a hurry to be the first person to admit it that by the time I started it was already too late.

You May Also Like

Stanford Med School Isolates the Douche Gene

In a recent scientific breakthrough that could change the way we view…

Letter to the Editor of the Badger Herald: Wisconsin’s Conformist Marching Band

(in response to the Op Ed by John E. buy vilitra online…

Sigma Chi, Sigma Nu Offer No Sympathy to Confused Delivery Man

Sources reported that on Wednesday, members of Sigma Nu were incredulous to…

In a Powerful Lecture at CEMEX Auditorium, Dinesh D’Souza Illustrates Holocaust with Sock Puppets

Invited by the respected hate group known as the Stanford College Republicans,…